How and Why Weight Loss Can Affect your Relationships
June 2, 2025Categories: Bariatric, Blog, Health & Wellness
How and Why Weight Loss Can Affect your Relationships: Getting Your Spouse/Family/Friends on Board
Having weight loss surgery can be one of the biggest changes you will go through in your life, and it is not just a physical change. It also affects your mental health, self-confidence, and the way other people treat you. Many people don’t realize just how much their weight was holding them back from living their life the way they want to until after the weight is gone. If you have been overweight most of your life, the people around you only know that version of you. As you lose weight and change your lifestyle, you may start doing things differently and acting differently and it can take time for people to get used to the “new” you!
Some people go through a period of mourning their old lifestyle and habits that were not very healthy like smoking and drinking, being sedentary, or binge eating. If you have people in your life that you used to partake in these types of activities with, it can be an adjustment for both of you when you no longer live that lifestyle. This can cause relationships to fade if you don’t have much else in common with them anymore. This can be sad, but it may be beneficial to seek out new relationships with people that are like minded and enjoy the same types of activities that will be a positive influence in your life. Make new friends at the gym, or join a local walking/hiking group, yoga studio, book club, or other type of activity that you enjoy!
Watch out for those “frenemies” – people that may seem like friends, but don’t want to see you do well or are always trying to bring you down with their negativity. People like this may start to feel threatened or defensive when they see you losing weight or learn about your choice to have surgery. Sometimes this comes from a place of jealousy and their own lack of confidence, or sometimes it may come from a lack of knowledge about bariatric surgery in general.
Spouses can react in many different ways to their partner losing weight and making lifestyle changes. It’s great if they are supportive and understanding and want to make healthy changes along with you, but unfortunately that is not always the case. Your spouse may feel they are “losing” some version of you that they have known for a long time. Just because you feel ready to make a big life change, they may not be ready yet to confront those areas in their life that they could also improve. If your spouse struggles with excess weight too, they can feel threatened by your weight loss and fear rejection, or may notice you getting more attention from others and get jealous and insecure. Have them come with you to your appointments and attend support groups together so they can get a better understanding of what you are/will be going through on this journey. If you struggle with an unsupportive partner, you may need to seek out couples counseling to work on some bigger, deep rooted issues that could be going on.
Tips to get People on Board
- The first step is education. In the majority of situations where people are not getting support, the main reason is the lack of knowledge regarding bariatric surgery. Many people have incorrect preconceived ideas about bariatric surgery. Give your spouse/family member a copy of the pre-op and post-op diet packet so that they understand what you need to do both before and after surgery, so they understand how you will be eating differently and why. Refer to the Bariatric Homepage on our website that has lots of detailed information on the procedure and safety outcomes, as well as all the health benefits from weight loss.
- Try new things together. Have them try the protein shakes with you so they can see what you will be primarily consuming for the 2 weeks before and after surgery. Make it fun and do a taste test with different flavors and brands and rate your favorite. Invite your spouse/friend/kids/family member to go to the gym or on walks with you to begin exercising together and make it a social thing!
- Plan and prepare meals together! This can help reduce stress or arguments related to meal selection and preparation. You don’t want to feel like you are the only one having to eat a certain way or making healthy changes. Sit down as a family/couple and make a weekly grocery shopping list that includes healthy foods that everyone enjoys. Try to find healthier versions of some of your favorite recipes. Everyone can benefit from eating more vegetables, fruits, and lean proteins!
- Openly communicate with your partner/family member how you feel about the lifestyle changes suggested and how you would like to implement them, for the good of your partner, yourself, but also to improve your entire family’s overall quality of life! Sometimes we all need to vent and let things out, and aren’t really looking for a response on what to do. Having your feelings validated might be all you need to relieve some stress and tension.
